More Than Survive
by K-yers
Summary: Jane Sheridan hasn't spoken to her older sister, Tara in nearly five years. The two sisters had always fought and never got along when they were younger, but when Jane starts hightailing back home to Charming with her five year old daughter, she can only hope that her big sister is going to be there and is willing to help. Eventual Juice/OC
1. 1: Flight

I first noticed the extra money when Ted started bringing home takeout from Boston Market. I had made a whole meal for dinner: pulled pork with buttered rolls with sweet corn and tall glasses of Coca-Cola. I had stared at him when he came home with the plastic bags from Boston Market, beaming like he had done us a giant service to bring home dinner.

"I'll just pack this up for lunch tomorrow." I had told him in the sweet voice I reserved for him, beginning to put everything into tupperware containers for his lunch. Ted came up behind me and kissed the back of my neck.

"You're welcome for bringing dinner home." He said. Ted reached around me and grabbed the three paper plates I had set out and he took them to the table. Ted had looked down to Nora, her five year old eyes wide eyed at the takeout. "See, kiddo, I thought I'd bring you ladies a special dinner."

Had he gotten a promotion? He made about fifteen dollars an hour at the industrial park, which was barely enough to keep this house with three mouths to feed. Ted had always had a small amount of extra cash that I didn't like asking where he got it from, but it was never enough to make him happy enough to buy takeout.

Ted started bragging about five minutes into dinner that night, telling me how he got an assistant manager position, so now he was making twenty dollars an hour. But I noticed that the right side of his mouth creeped up as he said it.

Ted was lying.

If I asked about the money, I knew what would happen, so I stayed silent and ate dinner. Nora told him everything I had tried teaching her today. She wasn't allowed to go to daycare, so until kindergarten, our five year old had to stay at home with me while I cleaned and cooked and tried to keep busy.

"You know what, Nora," Ted said, that sly smile on his face again. "If you do a good job this year in kindergarten, we'll be able to take a trip to Disney World."

My head had shot up at the sound of this news. Nora had gasped extra loudly before turning to me. "Hear that, Mommy? I've never been to Disney!"

How the fuck could we afford Disney World?

I put my fake smile on and tried to look excited. "That's amazing! I didn't know your raise was that much, sweetie."

Ted had shrugged. "Well, we'll have to save up some. But I think our little girl deserves it. Don't you?" He reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

It went on like this for almost two months. Ted would randomly bring home dinners from various fast food places, and I'd put the dinner I had made away for his lunch the next day. I never had an idea for when he did this, and Ted liked eating almost the moment he came home from work. I just wished I knew _when_ he'd bring it home.

God forbid I don't make dinner one night and he comes home empty handed.

In January, Ted brought home some coworkers. I had stared at them all for a long moment; Ted had never brought home _anyone_ before.

"It's no problem, Jane." Ted had said, a slight edge in his voice. "Just set some more places at the table." I did so fast, and I couldn't stop Ted when he grabbed Nora and sat her on his lap. A man I didn't know sat right beside Ted and gave my five year old daughter a smile that made me terrified.

"Ted?" I said quietly as the four strangers took places around my kitchen table.

"Sit down, Jane." Ted had said, a little more obvious with his impatience. "We're hungry."

Nora was talking to the stranger sitting next to her. Ted's arm was holding her in place and the stranger was leaning in a way that made me want to rip my daughter out of her father's hands. Ted wasn't paying attention, he was watching me as I made place settings.

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Sheridan." One of the men said, flashing me a smile with a gold tooth front and center. I nodded at him and gave him a brief smile, trying to get Ted's eyes off me.

That's when I saw that stranger put his hand on Nora's thigh.

I left the kitchen and went into the master bedroom, going to the closet where I knew Ted's handgun was hidden. I grabbed it and rushed back into the kitchen and pointed it at the head of the man who _still had his hand on my five year olds fucking thigh_.

"Get the fuck out of my house!" I shouted at him. "Get your filthy hands off my daughter, you sick fuck!"

"Jesus fuck, Jane!" Ted screamed, pushing Nora off of him and standing up. The stranger scrambled to his feet and held his hands up, edging towards the front door. Everyone was standing up.

"Nora," I said and my little girl ran to get behind me, hugging the back of my legs as I kept the gun trained on that pedo.

"Learn to control your old lady, Sheridan." One of the men snapped before leaving the house. They all followed him, hands up and watching me with annoyed looks, as if I had just ruined their dinner for no reason.

Once the door was shut, Ted turned to me with a darkness in his eyes that made me want to start apologizing. I started to lower the gun.

"Go to your room, Nora." Ted said in a deathly quiet voice. Nora hesitated. Ted tore his gaze from me long enough to shoot his daughter a heated glare. "Now!" He screamed. Nora let go of me and ran. I lowered the gun entirely as her bedroom door slammed shut.

"That man had a hand on her-" I started, pointing a finger at the shut front door.

"Do you really think I was going to let someone molest our daughter?" Ted said, his voice still quiet. "Do you really think that low of me? Give me the gun."

He ripped it from my hand before I could react and he checked the chamber, letting out a dark chuckle. "There're no bullets in here, you dumb cunt." I opened my mouth to say something just as Ted slammed the handle of the gun down on my temple.

I fell to the ground just in time to catch Ted's foot in my gut. I curled up like a dying bug as Ted got down to my level, his fist coming down hard on my face and head. I screamed and tried to block his blows, but his left hand grabbed my arms and tore them out of the way, all while never stopping his right fist from hitting me. My head hit the hardwood floor several times, and eventually he figured out that he could just slam my head into the floor and that'd work just fine too.

I don't know when I lost consciousness.

When I came to, I couldn't open my right eye because it was swelled shut. Ted brought home some doctor he knew to the house to patch me up. I ended up getting two stitches on my face, one close to my jaw and the other on my cheekbone. This doctor said I should be fine, but if I felt worse than I did right now I should come back to him. Not go to a hospital, just come back to this guy. After he was gone, I thanked Ted for bringing someone in to take care of me.

"I do love you, Janey." Ted had told me. "You just can't get me mad like that again-you know how I get." He then kissed the top of my head and brought me ice water with a straw. After we watched a couple of episodes of 30 Rock, we got into bed and Ted said we didn't have to have sex if I didn't want to.

Ted was asleep in about twenty minutes. I waited for ten minutes after that before creeping out of bed and into the bathroom. When I saw my face, I broke down crying.

The right side of my face was swollen and dark red and purple, the skin around my stitches looking like they were stretched tight. I even had a dark red bruise on my neck...I didn't even know he had hit my neck. The left side of my head was also badly bruised and my belly had a wide bruise on it from his foot.

Before I went back into bed, I checked on Nora. She wasn't in bed, but she was hiding under it. I carefully pulled my deep sleeping daughter from her hiding spot and tucked her into bed. As I tucked a ratty looking teddy bear underneath the blanket with her, a plan started to formulate in my head.

It took six months.

One of the duties I had was going to the bank on Ted's payday and depositing the check so that I could buy groceries. He didn't get direct deposit from work, and now I thanked God that he didn't. I didn't take much when I deposited the checks, just ten or fifteen dollars, and then I'd buy a few packages of food on sale so that even if Ted did notice the lighter grocery run, he'd think it came from the three boxes of Shake-and-Bake I bought on sale.

I didn't hide money in the same place more than twice. One bundle of fifty dollars was hidden under the couch, sewn into a pocket of the material. Another bundle of twenty dollars was hidden far back in the air vent of the kitchen, while another air vent in the master bedroom hid a bundle of seventy dollars. Another bundle was sewn into one of Nora's lesser favorite toys when she was in the backyard playing in the sprinkler. And another was tucked in the corner of a coffee table. I carved out the pages of a romance novel (something Ted would never touch) and hid a bundle of a hundred dollars in there. I hid bundles of random amounts of money all over the house for four straight months.

Ted never noticed. I started making his favorite meals more, cooking chicken and dumplings in the Crock Pot so that it tasted richer and making his favorite carrot cake for dessert. I had unprotected sex with him almost every night, anything to make him happy. It didn't stop him from raising a hand to me every now and then, but it never escalated to that night in January where he nearly killed me.

Ted had never been clever. When I had started dating him in the later years of high school, my older sister had said he was nothing but a dumb jock. But Ted was arrogant, arrogant enough to think that he was getting his way, that I finally wanted another baby and that I wanted us to be as happy as he wanted us to be.

One night after sex, I convinced Ted to let me make him a more expensive meal, so he gave me permission to use more expensive ingredients. I just bought generic branded ingredients that were cheaper than normal and took fifty dollars out of the check that pay period.

Nora kept talking about finally going to kindergarten in August. To keep everything seemingly normal, I had approached Ted after Nora had gone to her room for the night.

"You know," I started. "With Nora going to school, I'll be able to get a part time job. Make us some more money? For that Disney trip you told her about."

Ted grunted, not interested. "Jane, if you get pregnant, you're not gonna want a job. Most part time jobs want you on your feet all day every day. Won't be good for you."

"But it'd be just some extra money around the house and it'd give me something to do."

"You already have that garden in the backyard you love working in so much." Ted said, finally looking at me. "I don't want you getting a job, sweetie."

"Teddy-"

The back of his hand flew out and struck me across the face and I fell down again. Ted stood up and knelt down, putting his hand on my bruising cheek.

"Janey, I love you." Ted said softly, almost gently. "But you've got to stop with this job nonsense. When you get pregnant, I don't want you losing this baby."

You're the reason I lost our second baby, I thought with fury but didn't say. He hadn't known I was pregnant when he got mad at me and beat the shit out of me again. Nora had only been two years old and witnessed the whole thing, bawling and screaming the whole time while I started bleeding as I lost that baby. Then Ted had blamed me for not telling him about the pregnancy and getting him mad again.

Finally in July, I had about three thousand dollars hidden around the house. I had a plan in my head and nothing else keeping us here.

That morning I kept everything as normal as possible. Nora was eating cereal in the living and watching cartoons. I made Ted's coffee and had his lunch prepared when he came out of the bedroom, his brown hair spiky and wet from his shower. I handed him the lunch and coffee with a smile and Ted kissed me.

"You're making poppy seed chicken tonight, right?" He asked, looking down at me with a smile on his face.

I nodded. "Just the way you like it."

"I love you." Ted said with another sly smile and he kissed me deeper this time. I didn't leave the kitchen until I heard the front door shut and then I rushed to the front window, barely opening the curtains to peek through.

Ted drove the only car out of our driveway and disappeared from. I counted to twenty in my mind. That's how long it would take for him to get to the stop sign and drive out of the neighborhood. Now I could only hope and pray that he didn't forget anything.

I rushed to Nora and sat next to her. "Nora, go get dressed and pack your Barbie backpack with as much clothes as you can."

Nora frowned at me, swallowing her mouthful of cereal. "Why?"

"We're going on a road trip." I said vaguely. "But you've got to hurry or we'll miss the bus."

"We're taking the bus?" Nora sprang to her feet.

I nodded and smiled, trying to look excited for her. "Yeah! Now go get dressed fast and put as many clothes in that backpack as possible."

"Can my toys come to?"

"Just a couple okay. We've got to catch that bus!"

Nora left her half full cereal bowl and I dove under the couch and started collecting the bundles of cash from all over the house and backyard in my garden.

When all the cash was found, I piled it on the table and ran to the master bedroom. There were files on the three of us, birth certificates and social security cards and important documents like that. I took my file and Nora's, throwing them both into a Ziploc gallon sized bag. Then I took our toothbrushes and toothpaste and shampoo and body wash in another gallon sized bag. I took the clean bedsheets and towels I had done in the laundry and rolled everything so it barely fit in another gallon sized bag. I took Ted's military style backpack (an expensive one I had been shocked to see him buy and I winded up with a black eye for my concern) and shoved everything into the biggest pocket. Then I shoved as much clothes as I could fit into the next two pockets before getting dressed into dark jeans and a gray hoodie, tying my hair up into a bun and putting an baseball cap on.

Nora had gotten dressed. She was wearing black and white striped tights with a red tee shirt and bright yellow rain boots. I looked inside her backpack and was so relieved to see that she had just scooped clothes into the backpack until it could barely fit at all. In either arm she had her raggedy teddy bear and a smaller sized plush of Totoro. I put Totoro into the front pocket of her backpack and said she could play with him later. For good measure I grabbed two books of hers at random and put them in there too.

The entire process of gathering everything took a little over thirty minutes. When we walked outside the house, we left the half eaten bowl of cereal on the table in the living room with the TV still on. I locked the door to the house and grabbed Nora's hand.

"C'mon." I said in what I hoped was a reassuring voice. "We've got to hurry."

"To catch the bus?"

"Yes."

We walked as fast as I could without alerting any neighbors. Nora seemed excited, her backpack was bumping on her body and she kept her grip on my hand tight. I just kept looking over my shoulder and prayed that no one was really noticing us.

The wait for the city bus to take us to Clearwater was about twenty minutes. I paced the whole time while Nora sat on the bench, looking happy to be on an adventure. When the bus finally arrived, I paid for our tickets and Nora was excited to be a bus for the first time in her life.

I bought a car when we got off the bus for five hundred dollars. It was an old Dodge Stratus but I loved the fact that it had a working engine and four tires. As I got on the highway heading north, Nora had her face pressed against her window.

"Where are we going, Mommy?" She asked.

"On a road trip."

"To Disney?"

"No, that Disney trip is after kindergarten, remember?"

"How come Daddy isn't coming on the road trip with us?"

"Daddy doesn't like road trips."

We stopped at one o'clock at a McDonalds for lunch. Seven hours into driving and we had just made it to Pensacola, Florida. Nora was still on the initial excitedness, staring out at the world like it was brand new. For her, this was just a fun road trip her mom decided to take.

We crossed the Florida state line around two and that was the first time I relaxed all day. We drove through Mobile, Alabama and kept going into Biloxi, Mississippi. By that time it was three in the afternoon and Nora thought it was cool that we had suddenly gone through two states.

"When are we turning around?" She finally asked somewhere near Hammond, Louisiana. It was four thirty in the afternoon in Saint Petersburg where we left.

"We're not turning around, Nora." I said in a quiet voice. "We're going to go live where I grew up. Won't that be cool?"

Nora frowned, a crease coming between her eyebrows just like Ted's. "Is this because Daddy hurts you?"

I flinched and cursed myself for thinking that Nora was naive enough to not notice her father beating the shit out of her mother. After a moment's silence I simply said, "Yes."

Nora didn't say anything else until we were in Baton Rouge, Louisiana about forty minutes later. "When are we stopping for dinner?"

"In a bit."

I was nervous again. It was past five in Saint Petersburg and Ted would be walking inside the house any moment now. He would see that we were gone and I was terrified to see what happened next. I had paid for everything in cash, and he would probably look into the checks and see that I had been taking money from him every time he got paid.

But we were in Louisiana and by the time he started thinking rationally after the initial rage, we'd be even farther away and on our way to Charming, California.


	2. 2: Charming

Three days of nonstop driving later, I was driving past the hauntingly familiar welcome sign to Charming, California. Ted knew how much I had it here when I was growing up. I technically had no one left here. This town was the last place he'd think to look.

The real estate office on Main Street opened in about fifteen minutes, so I decided to walk along the street with Nora. "This is where you grew up?" She asked, looking around at the older looking buildings with apartments right over the store fronts. She was used to Saint Petersburg, Florida, where the houses were squat and raised and the city was full of tall buildings and where no one knew anybody.

As we looked around, I remembered exactly why I had run away from this town in the first place. This was the town where everyone knew everyone and families had been settled here for generations.

Tara and I had both run away from this town, but it was more of a shock when she did it when she was nineteen. I had been fourteen when she left, left behind with our drunk dad and a town who talked way too much. Last I heard about Tara, she had moved from San Diego to Chicago to become a doctor. I hadn't gotten any sort of college; I had run off with some quarterback from Stockton named Theodore Sheridan to God knows where.

Who the fuck in this town was going to hire someone who only had a high school education and whose last job was when I was nineteen? I needed a full time job. A part time one wouldn't even begin to cover rent or feeding me and Nora. While these troubled thoughts bounced in my head, Nora and I walked back to the real estate agency and got sat down with a plump blond man who hadn't his morning coffee yet.

"Not a lot of places will take you on without a full time job." He said. His name was Billy Freeman, and the fact that I recognized him as someone who went to high school with Tara said a lot about how this town kept those born in it trapped here. Billy Freeman gave me another look, from my wrinkled clothes to the bruise right under my eye (a blow from Ted just a couple days before we left). Billy's eyes flicked over to where Nora was playfully spinning the rack of brochures of open houses.

Billy Freeman let out a heavy sigh before thumbing through some brochures. "These are not desirable places, Mrs. Sheridan. But I know the owners, and they'll let you live there the first month given you pay the first months rent and can get a job in three weeks."

He handed me the brochures and I had to stop myself from hugging him.

He was right about the place not being the best. The trailer is almost twenty minutes outside of the town limits, but Nora would be able to go to school at Charming Elementary the very next day. My three thousand dollars had dwindled drastically and I knew I had to get a job _now_.

We slept on the master bedroom floor, on top of the towels and bedsheets I had brought from Florida.

The day Nora had been looking forward ever since she learned what school was, was finally here. She got dressed in a pair of tattered jeans and the red tee shirt she had left home in. She needed more clothes, I thought to myself.

Nora hugged me tight before forgetting about me standing there, watching her enter the classroom and going straight for the desks, looking for her name. I stared after her while a woman who looked to be in her thirties was crying about her own son going to kindergarten.

With Nora at school all day, it left me able to apply to jobs all day. I went to a diner on Main Street, but they were only offering a part time job. A CVS near my trailer was hiring part time and a full time manager position. I applied for both positions, even though I had zero experience. I got turned away at a Subway because they wanted me to apply online. But I didn't have internet, let alone a computer.

I was starving by lunch, but I had to save money so that Nora could eat dinner tonight. So I kept walking into almost every storefront on Main Street to ask if they were hiring.

When it came time to pick up Nora from school, I was bedraggled and didn't feel guilty at all for buying McDonalds for dinner. Nora ate it greedily while I picked at the fries I had gotten myself.

"Are you sure you're not hungry, Mommy?" Nora asked about halfway through her meal.

I smiled at her and nodded. "I had a big lunch." I lied through my teeth. Nora finished her food and we drove back to the trailer.

"When will we be getting furniture?" Nora asked as we settled down on our nest of bedsheets and towels.

"When I get a job." I replied. "I'll buy some nice furniture for us to sit on, and get you some nice clothes. And I'll be able to buy groceries and we can start making some really good food."

"Like the food back home?"

To hear her call that place home made me flinch, but I smiled at her anyway and nodded. "Yeah, just like back home."

But by the end of the week, there was still no job and only five hundred dollars left. That was going to go away fast, I knew that. I had already gone to every business in Charming, should I try outside of Charming? Stockton was about a half hour away, and Lodi was even farther than that. My car was running on empty Friday morning when I dropped Nora off at school.

Stockton was a bigger town. There were bound to be more job opportunities over there, I figured. I started that way after dropping Nora off, praying that I'd run into a gas station on the way.

When the car ran out of gas about five miles outside of town, I pulled over and sat still for a solid twenty minutes. I couldn't even grieve properly; everything just felt too numb. I got out of the car and pressed my hands against the back of my head, pacing in front of the car and having no idea what to do. The burner phone I had bought somewhere in Texas had a full battery. But who the fuck could I call? The only number I had memorized was Ted's.

Was it a mistake leaving him?

The thought was banished from my mind the moment I thought it. I felt tears burn at my eyes as I thought about how he had made money and had been a decent enough dad to Nora. If I had just kept putting myself between them-

 _Those coworkers of his would've done something to Nora_ , a voice in my head hissed. The tears were falling freely down my face now and I gave the front passenger tire a good kick. I had to scream or rage or fucking _something_ or else I was going to explode.

"D'you need help?"

I nearly leapt into the air when I heard the strange voice. A motorcycle was parked behind my car and the rider was removing his helmet and watching me carefully. He was a Hispanic man with a Mohawk and tribal tattoos on either side of the hairdo. I stared at him, wiping my eyes roughly as I got a look at his clothes. Nineteen years living in Charming had taught me how to recognize a member of Sons of Anarchy when I saw one.

I sneered at him without thinking. "No, I think I'm doing just fine, don't you. Yes, I need help!"

He blinked at me and approached me, his eyes taking in my car. "D'you know what happened?"

"I ran out of gas on my way to get it." I said, throwing an arm towards the direction I had been going. He followed my gesture with his eyes and shrugged.

"That's fine and dandy, but the closest gas station to here is actually five miles back." He pointed behind us. "Just off Bell Avenue."

I stared at him. "Since when?"

"About two years, I think. Give or take." He was starting to look awkward. "Look, I can call a tow truck for you. I work at Teller-Morrow. They'll tow your car for free if I call in it, and you can fill up your tank there."

"Y'all have a gas pump there now?" I asked, vaguely surprised at that.

"More like an army of gas cans, just in case we run into these kinds of things." He flashed me a half smile, his eyes squinting as his cheekbones were raised. "My name's Juice, by the way."

We shook hands and I raised an eyebrow at him. "Your God given name is Juice?"

His smile was gone and he shrugged again. "It's my nickname with the Sons. I assume you know who they are if you've lived here before."

"Yeah I know them." I said with my own shrug. "What's your actual name?"

"Only my real friends know that." Juice laughed at his own stupid joke and when I just stared at him, he coughed. "It's Juan Carlos."

"I see where Juice comes from, I guess. Juan Carlos, J.C, Juice." I mulled it over and he gave me another smile that I didn't return. "Aren't you gonna call the tow truck?"

He nodded really fast and I ignored him while he called the tow truck, giving them my car's type and license plate. When he hung up, he leaned against my car next to where I was sitting. I squinted up at him and scooted away a little.

"Are you waiting here with me?" I asked.

"Why not?" Juice said with a shrug. "There're some dangerous fellows out there."

"I seen my fair share of dangerous fellows." I said, wondering if he had noticed the yellowing bruise on my face. Billy Freeman had.

"Where were you heading for, anyway?" Juice asked, rubbing his Mohawk and sounding like he just wanted to keep the conversation moving.

I couldn't think of a proper reason to lie to him. "I was going to Stockton. Looking for a job since nowhere in this town is hiring."

"Charming is really only hiring right before school," Juice explained. "Giving those high schoolers and college kids a chance to get a job."

"And yet they won't hire an actual adult." I said, shaking my head at the fucked-uped-ness at it all. Juice shrugged again and I was beginning to see that he did that a lot; it seemed like a reaction to do when there was nothing else to say.

Juice looked down at me. "When did you move back?"

"A week ago." I replied. "My daughter started kindergarten on Monday."

He made a cough like sound and cleared his throat. "You have a daughter? That's nice!" His voice had gone very high and pitchy.

I laughed at him. "Oh, honey, you didn't have a chance regardless of whether or not I had a kid."

Juice flashed me a wide smile. "Can't blame a guy for trying."

The tow truck showed up soon after that, and I was quickly introduced to a man named called Chibs and a guy around my own age who went by Half-Sack. I shuddered at the thought of how he got that nickname as the two men hooked up my car. Juice stood beside me and he gave me a look.

"You want a ride back to the shop?" He asked.

"And have to be wrapped around you for God knows how long?" I asked in a monotone voice. "I'd rather walk. I think I'll ride with the tow truck, thank you very much."

Instead of looking dejected, Juice just smiled broadly again. "You saw right through me again."

"It's a gift."

This felt weird. I hadn't spoken this cattily to a man who wasn't my husband in five years. It was a weird feeling, having someone flirt with you who you weren't used to flirting with you. I was so programmed to know Ted's way of flirting (fleeting kisses and compliments that when you thought about it were kind of insulting) that someone else entirely felt unnatural.

The thought was chased from my mind as I got into the truck with Half-Sack and Chibs. Juice waved goodbye before getting on his bike and roaring away, going back on his way to whatever he was supposed to be doing.

Chibs and Half-Sack were pretty polite, they asked about the same questions as Juice. Where were you going? Didn't you know there was a gas station a couple miles away?

The truck pulled into Teller-Morrow Auto Shop about fifteen minutes later. I got out of the car as Half-Sack promised he'd get my tank filled back up.

"That's disgustin', Sack." Chibs said with a huff of laughter. Half-Sack turned red and started to backtrack.

"That's not what I meant, ma'am!" Half-Sack exclaimed. "I only meant that I'll fill 'er up real fast and then…" He trailed off and hurried away, probably to get the gas tanks Juice had mentioned.

"You can wait in the office, Mrs. Sheridan." Chibs said, gesturing towards the door that read, _Office_. I thanked him and headed that way, thinking about how I was going to go about filing divorce papers and changing my last name.

The office was small and smelled vaguely of cigarette smoke. I sat down on a couch next to the only desk just as a woman entered the office. She was tall because of her heels and her dark hair had streaks of blond highlights running through. She looked at me and blinked.

"Were you waiting for someone?" She asked, looking over her shoulder to the door connecting to the shop.

I shook my head. "No. I was just waiting for my car to be finished."

"What was wrong with it?" She asked, going behind the desk and glancing through a stack of papers.

"My car ran out of gas on the way to Stockton." I explained for the third time today. "A guy-Juice-pulled up next to me and helped me out."

"Juice is a sweetheart." She said absentmindedly. She extended her hand for me to shake and her handshake was firm. "Name's Gemma Morrow."

That's why she looked familiar. "I'm Jane Sheridan. I grew up around here and I think you know my older sister."

"Probably," Gemma said with a huff of amusement. "This town is small, regardless of how much it's 'growing'. Who's your sister?"

"Tara Knowles."

Gemma's face went blank right before she flashed me a wide smile. "I remember you now! Tara once mentioned having a little sister. That was so long ago. You moved away too, right?"

"All the way to Florida." I confirmed. I liked talking to Gemma and found myself smiling easily with her.

"What brings you back?"

The question was well meaning enough, but it hit me like a punch to the gut. I swallowed as my smile faltered and Gemma's eyes zoned in on the yellowing bruise on my face. She pointed at it. "That's recent."

The lie I used to make came into my mind. I ran into a door, I tripped over some of Nora's toys, I opened the car door with my face too close. But Ted was across the country, I didn't have to cover for him anymore. And judging by Gemma's eyes, if I lied she wouldn't have believed me.

"My husband got pissed at me for asking to apply for jobs." I explained, my voice dropping and the easy smile off my face. "My daughter just started kindergarten and you know, extra money. But, uh, he was tired of me asking."

Gemma's eyes had dulled over and she was watching me carefully. "You were going to apply for jobs in Stockton, weren't you?"

I didn't see the value in lying, so I just nodded and found that I couldn't make eye contact anymore. Gemma sighed heavily. "How much money do you have left? I'm assuming you left that piece of shit recently if you're still showing the bruises."

"Just five hundred dollars. I spent most of it on the drive and feeding us on the road, and getting a place here." As if on cue, my stomach let out a loud growl and Gemma's mouth turned into a thin line.

"I'm assuming Tara doesn't know you're here." Gemma said softly. I finally looked back to her in surprise and Gemma sucked in her breath. "I'm assuming _you_ didn't know Tara was here."

She let out a loud sigh and was silent for a minute before, "Okay. You start on Monday. Since you'd have to drop your daughter off at school, come in at eight in the morning and get off at five. There's a bus stop that's about a half mile from here and you could pick up your daughter from there and come back to finish."

I stared at her, my eyes widening. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm giving you important information, you might want to pay attention." Gemma said sternly, but there was a smile on her face. She started writing this information down. "Starting salary is fifteen fifty an hour, with raises the longer you're here."

"I don't know about working on cars." I said, baffled.

"You won't be working on cars, you'll be doing this job." Gemma gestured to the desk. "Answer the phone, dispatch tow trucks, fill out work orders. I'll teach you to do everything you need to know. I'll be able to do more manager stuff without worrying about this desk." She paused and raised an eyebrow at me. "If you're Tara's little sister you must know about SAMCRO? Their clubhouse is right across the lot, but don't worry they keep their shit over there for the most part. All of the men in SAMCRO are mechanics, but not all our mechanics are SAMCRO. You're not the only one who just works here without being in the club."

Gemma handed me the post it and I stared at her slanted handwriting for a while, feeling like I was in shock. When I looked back to her, Gemma was watching me with sympathy. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because men are pieces of shit, and women need to hold each other up when a man knocks them down." Gemma said with a thin smile that I found myself slowly smiling back. "Now do me a favor, go buy you and your little girl a big dinner tonight. I'm having my own dinner party tomorrow night, so I expect to see you and your daughter there too. Almost all our employees go. And I'll give you your pay in advance on Monday given your financial situation."

I stood up and accepted another firm handshake from Gemma, even though I honestly could've hugged her right now.


	3. 3: SAMCRO

Nora started dancing when I told her about the job I got later that afternoon. I laughed loudly and started dancing with her; to anyone watching we probably looked silly with our arms swinging wildly and our hips swaying.

"Can you make poppy seed chicken, Mommy?" Nora asked once our impromptu dance party was finished. "It's been so long since we had it and I don't like McDonalds anymore."

"Since when do you not like McDonalds?" I asked, picking up her pink Barbie backpack that had been flung to the ground just seconds before.

"Because their chicken isn't real chicken." Nora said as we got closer to the car. "Did you know that? Madison Jacobs told me that. She said that her mommy told her that McDonalds tortures their cows and chickens."

I blinked at this and stared at my daughter as she opened her car door. "I thought they didn't use real chicken?"

Nora paused and frowned, before settling on, "I guess they don't. But chickens are cute!"

They're also delicious, I thought but didn't say. As we drove to the store, Nora filled me in on all the gossip of Mrs. Gordon's kindergarten class.

"Madison is my normal friend," Nora was listing off her friends for me. "But I think Isabella Chavira is my best best friend. We share lunches together and her mommy always packs cinnamon animal cookies in her lunches for dessert."

As we went shopping for dinner, I got to hear all about how Isabella's grandma and dad came from Mexico and how Isabella spoke real Spanish. Then Nora started giggling like crazy and whispered, " _Mierda,_ "

"What does that mean?" I asked, knowing full well what it meant.

Nora just giggled even more. "Nothing!"

That night, our trailer started to feel more like a home. I boiled rice while I baked the chicken breasts in cream of chicken and poppy seeds. Nora kept me company by doing homework on the counter.

When the chicken was done, I crushed Ritz crackers and put a layer of the crushed crackers on top the chicken. Nora looked happy when I put a plateful of rice and poppy seed chicken in front of her math homework. We ate our dinner together on the counter, and I figured that most of this first paycheck will be spent on buying furniture for this trailer.

When the leftovers were packed away and the dreaded math homework was finished, Nora brushed her teeth and went to bed in our nest of bed sheets and towels. The first thing that'd be bought was a bed for Nora, I thought grimly as I looked at my daughter burrow herself in the nest.

The next morning was the next time I thought about Gemma's invitation to a dinner party for the people who worked at the shop. She had written her number down on the paper she gave me and I quickly added her number into the burner phone. The time of the dinner party was at four thirty, and I imagined a lot of mingling would be happening.

Nora and I spent the day window shopping, with Nora pointing out her favorite clothes and bed spreads. I made a mental note of it all, thinking that once I had a few paychecks under my belt, I could afford a little shopping spree with Nora. She deserved to have more than what she had right now. She deserved better than a nest of bed sheets and towels.

The dinner party would be happening at the shop, and when I pulled into the lot that evening, I was far from being the first one there. Nora blinked at the amount of people standing outside the SAMCRO clubhouse and I frowned slightly at them. The actual garage across the way was dark.

Nora was confident around me only. Back in Saint Petersburg, she would be loud and expressive up until Ted came home. Then she would get quieter as if she knew to tiptoe around him. When she was around people she didn't know at all (and that was an extremely big group), she stayed silent until she knew who I was comfortable around. That's why her friendship with this Isabella Chavira was such a triumph; Nora had never gone to daycare so she had never had a real friend before. As Nora and I walked towards the clubhouse, my daughter grabbed on hard to my hand and kept herself halfway hidden behind me.

"You must be Jane," One of the men introduced himself as we got closer. He was a large man with iron gray hair and bright blue eyes. A cigar was hanging lazily out of his mouth. He stuck his hand out for me to shake. "Name's Clay Morrow. My wife, Gemma told me that she hired you."

"Nice to meet you," I replied, giving a nod to the men behind Clay. A man with bushy gray hair stepped out from behind Clay.

"Bobby Munson." He introduced himself. His eyes found Nora. "And what's your name?"

"Nora Sheridan." She said, her voice still sounding nervous. Bobby shook her hand kindly as a men named Happy Lowman and Tig Trager introduced themselves to me.

"We all work in the shop," Tig explained, nodding to the dark shop across the lot. I nodded, knowing that Gemma said that all the members of SAMCRO were mechanics. I left the bikers to their smoke break and led Nora inside the clubhouse.

I barely recognized the people inside the clubhouse, but I did notice Gemma over by a bar area. I hurried towards her, Nora on my heels.

"Oh hi, Jane." Gemma said when he caught sight of me. She hugged me tightly as if we had known each other for a long time instead of a couple of days. Gemma caught sight of Nora hiding behind me and she smiled widely at her. "This must be little Miss Nora, right?"

"Say hi," I said to Nora, using a gentler voice. Nora blinked up at me with hazel eyes-Ted's eyes. She walked forward slowly and shook Gemma's hand. While Gemma was distracted, my eyes scanned through the crowd of people. I recognized none of them.

"Hey, Gemma," I said in a low voice, getting the older woman's attention. "You haven't told Tara I'm back yet, have you?"

"Course not, hon." Gemma replied. "I barely see Tara; I only knew she was back in town because Jax let me know. You remember Jax, right?"

I remembered my sister's high school love all too well. Jax had always been polite to me whenever he saw me, but Tara had always been irrationally annoyed that her baby sister was butting in. Tara was a whole five years older than me; we had always fought when it came to me wanting to be around her.

Gemma led me towards the people and introduced me to another mechanic named Lowland and his son, a boy around nine years old. She introduced me to a small group of women known as "crow eaters"-women who hung around the clubhouse during night hours and slept with the men in SAMCRO. There were a few drifters-bikers who didn't belong to SAMCRO but were still allowed to come hang out and rest. I met one of the bikers' wives, a woman named Donna and her two young children named Ellie and Kenny. Kenny was closer to Nora's age and Donna had Ellie take the two young ones off to go play. Nora gave me a wide eyed look before hesitantly following them. I watched her go like a hawk, feeling unease in my gut.

"You haven't been separated from her long, have you?" Gemma asked. She didn't sound rude the way she said, just curious.

I huffed a bout of laughter with a jerky nod. "Kindergarten's the first time she's been away for so long."

Donna gave me a sympathetic smile. "I remember when Ellie went off to kindergarten. I was a nervous wreck, and I had Kenny to think about."

"Ellie didn't go to a daycare before then?" I asked. Donna shook her head.

"Sort of a club thing," Donn explained. "Kenny only went to daycare for a year before he went off to school. Ellie didn't go at all and now I think that's the reason she's in love with school."

I let out a small huff of laughter. "Good to know Nora will be okay. She didn't go to daycare and I didn't have a job, so she's still a little attached to me. Granted, I think I'm a little too attached to her too."

"What did your ex do?" Donna asked, another harmless question that made my mouth go dry and made me stammer with the fact that Ted was an ex.

Before I could answer, a man the size of a house was standing at Donna's shoulder. I blinked and took a step back as Donna looked up and beamed. The man had a full beard and a beanie was covering most of his hair.

"Jane, this is my husband, Opie." Donna said. "Opie, this is Jane. She just got a job at Teller-Morrow."

"Good to meet you, Jane." Opie said, extending a massive hand and shaking it. Not long after Opie joined us, a very familiar figure came after him.

Jax Teller was just as handsome as he had been when he was nineteen. I remembered now how friends of mine were jealous that my sister was dating him. Jax had been a problem child, but he had been a popular one.

Jax recognized me faster than I recognized him. He stared at me for a moment before bringing me into a tight embrace. I hugged him back, not remembering being on this level of friendship before this moment. When Jax released me, he was smiling.

"Long time, no see, Jane." Jax said brightly.

I smiled at Jax without thinking and nodded. "Yeah, you can say that." There was a lot hanging in the air between us, and I couldn't help wondering if he had seen Tara recently. She worked in the hospital; bikers had frequent injuries from what I assumed.

"So how's life been?" I asked, immediately feeling silly.

"Uh," Jax started. "My ex wife is having my kid, so that's exciting."

"Congratulations." I replied. "I'm sure your mom told you that she gave me the job across the street?"

"Yeah, she did." Jax said, that smile still on his face. "When she told me your name, I remembered Tara's little sister."

There it was. The mention of my older sister and his ex made the mood shift from awkward to painfully awkward. Something told me that Jax hadn't seen Tara recently, otherwise she would've been here, probably. Maybe he assumed me and Tara were speaking again?

"Do you have Tara's number?" I asked finally. I wanted to talk to her again; I just didn't think showing up on Tara's doorstep would be the best way to get back in contact with your estranged sister who left you behind.

Jax blinked and the smile was off his face for a moment while he recovered. "Uh, yeah. When my ex got pregnant, I went to the hospital and ran into her. I got her number out of her; it's just her work number, but it's better than nothing." He pulled out his phone and I got my burner phone out, ready to get the number from him.

"Hey you!" Juice's voice echoed around the room and when I turned to the sound of his voice, Juice was already right beside me. He was beaming like I had just made his day. "I heard the news that you got a job here. Looks like we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

"Seriously?" I asked dryly. Jax snorted with amusement and took my phone from me to put Tara's work number in there. "I may have to quit now. I thought I was never going to see you again."

"Ha ha." Juice replied just as dryly. "Congrats by the way. This way you don't have to drive all the way to Stockton every day for work."

"Also money every other week." I added. "That's a definite bonus."

Jax gave me my phone back. "I added my number, Mom's number, this idiot's number-just in case you ever need someone." With that said, he gave me a wolfish smile and a wink to Juice before strolling away. I felt my ears burning as Juice laughed loudly at Jax's back.

"Well, there you go, Janey. Now you don't have to ask for my number, thanks to him."

"Please don't call me Janey." I said sharply, more sharply than I meant. The nickname made me flinch, and the moment Juice had used it caused Ted's voice echo around in my head.

Juice apparently noticed that he hit a nerve, because his face went from playful to serious in two seconds. He nodded. "Sure. Can do. Don't worry, I'll find you another nickname."

I shifted my feet and tried hard to recover. "My name is already one syllable. There's literally no point in having a nickname."

"You're getting one anyway." Juice replied right as Nora plowed into my legs.

"Mama!" Nora was shouting. "Hide me!"

"Hide you?" I asked right as I saw Kenny running between adults, his eyes peeled for Nora. I made a noise of understanding and moved Nora to stand behind me. "Juice, come here; help me hide her."

"Nice to hide you and then meet you," Juice said to Nora as he moved to stand beside me, Nora cleverly hiding behind us with her back against the wall.

"Your name is Juice?" Nora asked, sounding as judgemental as a five year old could.

Juice looked from Nora to me. "I see where she gets it now."

I laughed without thinking and Juice smiled widely right as Kenny spotted Nora and they both broke into a run. It wasn't long after that before Gemma herded everyone into the general area so that everyone could get plates, buffet style. I winded up sitting with Opie and Donna Winston and their children. Nora was listening to Ellie talk about some movie Nora hadn't seen yet.

When we left and went home later that night, Nora was yawning in the backseat. "I like Ellie and Kenny; they're fun."

"That was fun." I agreed, a sad smile on my face. I couldn't remember the last time I had had fun like that; I sure as hell couldn't remember Nora telling me about having fun. Nora was asleep by the time we got home and I got her settled in our nest before I pulled out my phone and stared at the numbers gathered into my phone.

 _Jax Teller,_ and then his mobile number.

 _Gemma Morrow_ , my new boss.

 _Ted_ , and a note telling me to never answer if this number ever showed up.

 _Dumbass_ , given the context clues I guessed that this was Juice.

 _Tara Knowles_ , and then her work number.

It was only nine o'clock at night. Tara could be home and sleeping. Or she could be working a night shift, I thought. Before I could second guess myself, I hit call and listened to the phone ring.


	4. 4: Able

I ended up getting Tara's voicemail that night and I didn't leave a message. I'd text her or call again later, or something. But as the weeks went by, I just felt more and more awkward trying to call my sister who lived within the same small town but hadn't seen me in about six years.

Nora brought home some A's on her spelling tests and I put them on the fridge. I had bought her a bed with the first paycheck, a used twin sized one with blue and white striped sheets that had been thrown in the deal. But she had me sleep in the bed with her until I managed to buy myself a queen sized bed for my own room. I washed the old sheets and used those for myself.

By the end of August, the trailer was looking more like a home. Gemma had dragged me to a thrift store one day and I left with a musty smelling, red and gold striped corner couch. Gemma assured me that a few washes would rid it of the musty smell.

After that mechanics started dropping off random bits of furniture for me. Clay and Gemma brought over a coffee table for the living. Bobby gave me a shelving table which I used to put the box TV I got from the thrift store. Already the people at the shop were treating me like a part of the family.

I still hadn't seen Tara, and it was something I think Jax was figuring out. He told me how he went to the hospital to ask more baby questions and Tara hadn't mentioned me at all. I pleaded with Jax not to let her know I was in town, because I wanted to do that. Jax had snorted but agreed anyway.

On September first, Gemma left me in charge of the shop's office so that she could go check on Jax's ex wife. "Bitch hasn't been answering her phone and she hasn't shown up to any of her baby appointments."

I stared at Gemma at the sound of that. "Any chance she's in trouble?"

"Knowing Wendy, she's probably invited trouble in her front door." Gemma replied before leaving. I shook my head as the shop's phone rang.

"Teller-Morrow auto," I answered the phone. A woman on Bell Avenue had broken down and her car was smoking. After getting the address she was stuck at, I walked through the side door and into the actual shop. A mechanic named Mark was on the schedule for the tow truck.

Mark soon left with Lowland, and as they left Juice came up to me with a work order in his hand. "'Sup, Jay." Juice greeted cheerily.

Jay was my new nickname. I still didn't see the point of giving me a nickname because my name was already short enough, but the name Jay was sticking, and now almost everyone was calling me Jay.

"Here's the finished work order." Juice said, handing me the paper that had faint grease stains on the corners. "It passed the PMI and there's fresh grease in the boots."

"I can see that." I said, rubbing my fingers on my jeans after feeling grease residue on my fingertips. Juice rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

"Yeah yeah," He muttered. "Any way, write down that it should come back in a few months for a new control arm; the one it has now is on it's last leg and it's too big a job to do it right now."

"Got it, Orange Juice." I replied, leaving him to go back inside the office. I heard Juice loudly gasp behind me and I smiled to myself.

It had been a month since Nora and I had left Ted and Saint Petersburg. What was he doing now? Was he still looking for us? Had he even started?

I had just gotten off the phone with the finished van's owner when my cell phone started ringing furiously. I barely had time to answer before Gemma's voice was shouting instructions at me.

"Get Jax!" Gemma was shouting. I felt my skin feel cold when I heard the fear in her voice. "Wendy's overdosed! Stupid fucking bitch! I'm taking her to the hospital now-Jax's not answering!"

"Fuck!" I hissed, bolting out of the office and towards the clubhouse. A motorcycle engine roaring made me halt as Jax entered the lot, looking cool as a cucumber like he hadn't received the news yet. "Jax! You've got to get to the hospital!"

Jax stopped the bike and started to stand up as I ran to him. I continued, "Wendy's overdosed-Gemma's taking her to the hospital now-"

Jax didn't say anything but his motorcycle roared to life as he shot off, the tires making a screeching noise against the pavement. Jax roared out of the yard as more bikers started to hurry towards me.

"What happened?" Tig asked, getting to me first.

I struggled to catch my breath. Panting hard, I said, "Gemma called...Wendy's overdosing…"

"Shit." Tig said. "They going to the hospital?" I nodded and the small crowd of bikers around me looked at each other with worry on their faces. Clay, having just got there in time to hear what had happened, led the way to the bikes a stoic and angry look on his face.

I watched them go, feeling a little helpless. Tig brushed my arm briefly before going after Clay, no doubt heading to the hospital. Once they were gone, I forced myself to walk back inside the office. I'd have to go to the hospital after work was done, just to make sure everything was okay.

The memory of Nora's birth was vivid in my mind. I had just been nineteen years old, having just moved away from Charming and still trying to settle in Saint Petersburg. Ted had been so helpful back then, rubbing my feet when I was tired and leaving home in the middle of the night to get obscure food, whatever I was craving.

My water had broken while I was gardening one Saturday morning. Ted had rushed me to the hospital, terrified but smiling madly. He had kept saying about how we were going to be a real family at last.

Eleanor Elizabeth Sheridan had come screaming into the world after sixteen hours of labor. I was starving and exhausted, but I had started crying and hugged that little girl to me the moment the doctors had handed her to me. She had been screaming and kicking and perfect in every way.

Back then, Ted and I had an agreement that we'd name our first born daughter after both his grandmothers, our second daughter after both of mine. Ted had always imagined us having nothing but daughters; he had never wanted sons.

After school, Nora was brought to the shop where she sat on the couch doing homework. I sat at my desk with my leg bouncing as the mechanics left for the night. I wished Gemma or Jax would call and update me; I wanted to know if Wendy and that baby were okay.

The moment I clocked out, I started picking up Nora's things. "C'mon honey," I said. "We've got to go to the hospital."

"Did something bad happen?" Nora asked.

"I think so." I said grimly. "We've just gotta check on our friends."

Nora and I got to the hospital about twenty minutes later. We walked to the pediatrics and delivery ward, Nora holding my hand tightly. When I saw the back of a Son's vest, I bee lined towards them.

"Hey Jay," Tig said tiredly when I joined the small group.

"What happened?" I asked, seeing Clay and Bobby but not Jax or Gemma.

"Baby was born with half a stomach." Clay said darkly. Nora stared wide eyed at him and I squeezed her shoulder and pulled her in closer to me.

"Will he...be okay?" I asked, choosing my words a little carefully.

Clay shrugged his massive shoulders. "He just just got outta surgery. Gemma's with the baby now, Jax is talking to Wendy."

"She'd been taking meth for most of the second trimester," Bobby added. "Least that's what the doc told Jax."

I heaved a sigh and looked around. "Speaking of which, do you know where Dr. Knowles went? I want to talk to her."

They stared at me for a moment before Bobby pointed down a hallway. "Her office is down that way."

"Hey Nora," Tig saud suddenly. "You want to go get some candy?"

Nora nodded excitedly and she dropped my hand for Tig's and I watched him lead my five year old down the hall to the vending machines. I stared after them with my breath caught in my throat. Clay gently brushed my elbow with his fingers. "She'll be okay, Jay. Go see your sister."

The door was wide open and for a moment, I stared blankly at the woman who used to be my sister. The last time I had spoken to Tara, we had screamed awful things at each other while I blamed her for leaving me alone with our drunk dad.

This Tara was different somehow. She was more tired looking, then again I imagined that I looked tired too. Her brown hair was tied up into a tight bun, and she was typing away at her computer, probably entering a report of some kind. She didn't notice me standing in the doorway, not until I gently knocked on the open door with my knuckles.

Tara looked up and completely froze.

I saw myself through my sister's eyes for a moment. I was definitely more ragged looking than she had last seen me, my clothes hung loosely off me. The bruises on my face had completely faded, but I sure she noticed the way my eyes flicked around the room, looking for threats.

"Jane?" Tara asked, her voice sounding quiet.

"Hi, Tara." I said quietly. She stood up and walked around her desk, freezing right before she reached me.

"What-what're you doing here?" She asked.

"I live in Charming now." I said. "Me and Nora-you remember my daughter, right?"

"Yeah, yeah!" Tara said in a rushed voice. "She was just a little baby back then. How old is she now?"

"Five."

"When did you guys move here?"

"About a month ago." Seeing her expression, I continued, "I didn't know how to go about telling you! What do you do? Just walk up and say, 'Hey sis, sorry it's been forever. I'm back in town now!'"

Tara shook her head in exasperation. "Whatever. Um, how's Ted?"

"No idea." I said, shuffling my feet. "I imagine he's still pissed off I ran off with our daughter."

Tara's eyes went wide. "You left Ted?"

I nodded grimly. "Yeah."

"Why?" Tara asked immediately. "I mean...why?"

"One of his coworkers had his hands on Nora." I admitted even quieter. "I got him away and Ted nearly killed me for it."

Tara stared at me, her face revealing nothing. "Jane I'm so sorry. Um, is there anything I can do?"

I blinked at her. "Why d'you think I'm saying hi now is because I want something from you? I work over at Teller-Morrow and I heard about Jax's baby. I wanted to see if he was okay."

"And you decided to randomly stop by right after?" Tara asked, her voice getting slightly sharper. Before I could defend myself, Tara huffed a sigh and went to her desk. I watched as she wrote something down on a post-it note before handing it to me.

"This is my number and address." Tara said bluntly. "Please come by tomorrow-I'm off in the evening. Bring Nora too, if you can. I have to-get back to work now."

I stared at her for a moment before leaving the office, lingering outside when I did. It took a whole five minutes to hear Tara typing away at her computer again.


	5. 5: What If

My childhood home looked almost exactly the same as when I left it at nineteen. Tara had apparently inherited it after Dad died, and for a twisted and bitter moment, I wondered why the hell I hadn't gotten the house and its contents. In those five years between me and Tara leaving, I took care of Dad and made sure he didn't choke on his fucking vomit.

I pushed the negative thoughts away almost the moment I thought them. Nora got out of the car behind me and walked forward until she was right beside me. "I don't remember Aunt Tara." Nora informed me.

"I didn't think you would." I admitted. "You were just a little baby when you saw her last."

"How come she never visited at home?" Nora asked.

I grabbed onto Nora's hand and started walking to the front door. "It's complicated, sweetie." I had to leave it at that as I knocked on Tara's door. There was a long moment before Tara answered the door, smiling stiffly at me before looking down to Nora.

Tara looked at Nora with an unreadable expression for a long moment before her face broke into a smile. "Hi." She said, kneeling down to get more eye level with Nora. "You probably don't remember me, do you?"

Nora glanced up at me very briefly before shaking her head, clinging to my hand and partially hiding behind me. Tara stood back up and made room for us to enter the house, closing the door behind us.

"I've got lunch in the oven," Tara said, gesturing to the area of the kitchen. I blinked at being back inside my childhood house and without thinking I squeezed Nora's hand a little too tight. Nora looked up at me with round hazel eyes, looking worried.

I let go of Nora's hand and smoothed down her light brown hair. Nora was watching me with her round hazel eyes, Ted's eyes. Nora did look an awful lot like Ted. I smiled down at her as Tara rejoined us in the living room.

"Hey Nora." Tara said, still sounding awkward talking to a five year old. "We still have our old swing set in the backyard. Do you want to go play on it?"

Nora's hazel eyes flashed but she still looked to me to check. I gave her a nod and smile right before Nora left my side and followed Tara to the backyard. I went after them and stood beside Tara as Nora charged ahead to get to the swing set.

"Where are you guys living right now?" Tara asked sort of quietly, watching as Nora started pumping her legs to get the swing going.

"Trailer park outside of town." I said just as quietly. "People from the shop have been bringing by furniture almost every day for a month."

Tara closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head before looking back at me. "Why didn't you come by sooner? I could have helped you find a place."

"I didn't know you were even in town before getting here." I admitted. "I came here because it was the last place Ted would think to look. He knows how much I hate it here."

"What're you going to do about him?" Tara asked after a long moment of hesitation. "You're not divorced. Jane, he could claim kidnapping."

That thought had never entered my mind, and for a moment I felt paralyzed by fear. But I shook my head and forced myself to look at Tara. "I don't think he would. I know there's no proof of it, but something was happening right before we left."

"What do you mean?"

"He was bringing home more money." I tried to put my finger on it to explain it. "That's how I was able to sneak away as much as I did. He kept bringing money and food home and no matter what he refused to entertain the idea of me getting a job, even when the argument made perfect sense."

Tara blinked. "Jane, he always was controlling. You know that."

I shook my head. "This was different, Tara. Right after Nora was born, we were actually able to talk about me getting a job without leading to a fight. The only reason I didn't was because we wanted someone to stay home with Nora and take care of her."

"He wanted." Tara corrected me.

"He wanted." I echoed, mentally slapping myself for not correcting myself. "But it got more violent suddenly. I don't know what he was doing, but I know he was doing something."

Tara frowned as she mulled that over. "Drugs? Florida's kind of a hot spot for that."

"Maybe." I sighed.

"Mama!" Nora shouted from the swing set. "Watch me!"

"I'm watching!" I shouted back. Nora pumped her little legs extra hard and got so high she nearly went sailing off the seat and into the empty air. I sucked in breath. "Be careful, Nora!"

"I am!"

Tara had her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "What are you planning on doing? Are you going to get a divorce?"

"I want to." I said, lowering my voice again so that Nora couldn't hear. "I just don't want him to find out where we are. If I send him divorce papers with an address on it, I might as well leave the doors unlocked and have a sign for him to come in and make himself at home."

"You could talk to a divorce lawyer," Tara suggested. "She if there's a way to have a middle man."

"I think a divorce lawyer would charge me a fee just to ask any questions. I can't afford a lawyer right now." I hesitated. "Until recently I could barely afford food for the two of us."

Tara closed her eyes and stood like that for a long time. Nora got bored of the swings and dragged her heels in the dirt to stop the swing. When she hopped off, she was panting slightly and a slight sheen of sweat shined on her forehead. I watched her sadly as Nora now tried to climb the rusty looking poles keeping the swingset standing.

Tara opened her eyes. "I know you're going to say no-"

"Then don't suggest it." I said. "Simple as that."

"Just let me help you out, Jane." Tara insisted, her voice getting firmer. "I can help pay for a lawyer."

The bitter seed of stubborness was growing in my stomach. "Tara, I don't want your money. Do you really think I found you at the hospital because I wanted your money?"

She didn't say anything and I swallowed hard. Nora jumped back down from the swingset and ran back to me, looking sweaty and breathless. "What time's lunch?" She asked, her high pitched voice so loud compared to my whispered conversation with Tara.

Tara forced a smile at Nora and she went back inside without looking at me. Nora watched Tara leave before looking up at me, clearly waiting for me to go in first. I did and Nora followed at my heels.

Tara had made a sort of meatloaf and had a pot of mac and cheese ready on the stove. I could immediately tell that Nora would really only eat the mac and cheese, something Tara seemed to figure because she loaded Nora's plate with mac and cheese and only put a little bit of meatloaf on my daughter's plate.

I started making my own plate and Tara appeared at my shoulder. "Jane, I know you won't take any money from me. But at least let me help out somehow."

"How?" I asked, not looking at her and instead focusing on the pot of mac and cheese.

"How about you guys come over here for dinner once a week." Tara suggested. "Let me make you guys dinner once a week."

I looked up at her with my eyes narrowed. "Only if we make you dinner once a week. It's equality, you know."

Tara breathed in deeply for a moment before exhaling and nodding. "I'm off Sundays and Tuesdays."

"You do Sundays, I do Tuesdays." I offered. Tara nodded stiffly and we stared at each other for a moment before I went to the table to sit beside Nora, who was already stuffing her face. "Hey." I said, lightly tapping her on the head. "Table manners."

Nora paused, glanced at me, and sat up straighter before continuing to eat a bit slower. I smiled slightly and started eating as Tara sat down across from me.

After lunch, Tara insisted on doing the dishes and wouldn't let me anywhere near the sink. I rolled my eyes at her and left, looking down the hallway to where my childhood bedroom was. I blinked and looked to where Nora was sitting on the couch, flipping through the TV channels to try and find the Disney channel.

When I entered my childhood room, it was like stepping back in time. Nothing had really changed since I left when I was nineteen. I used to draw a lot, and a few of my favorites had been tacked to the wall in a sort of collage. Looking at those drawings now, I recognized a few of my favorite cartoon characters and a few anime looking faces, from back when I had been trying to learn that style. I shook my head at my younger self and looked at the shelves, a few dusty looking books still up there. I had taken my favorite books with me to Florida when Ted and I ran off, so these were just books I had gotten from school for mandatory reading. My favorite books were all still at the house back in Florida with Ted. I frowned at that at the same time I found a sticky note sticking out of The Scarlet Letter. I pulled the sticky note, having lost its stickiness from time.

This book fucking sucks, said the sticky note in my seventeen year old handwriting.

I snorted in amusement at the amount of hatred I had once held for The Scarlet Letter. My amused smile faded though when I remember when I wrote this note, I had been with Ted and ranting about stupid it was. Ted had been laughing with me and looking at me in a way that made my teenaged heart flip.

I wanted to go back in time and tell my younger self to run as fast as she could.

"Mommy!" Nora's voice called out to me from the living room and I flinched without thinking. "Can you help me?"

If I left Ted back in high school, I wouldn't have Nora now. I might not have ever left Charming, and who knows what would've happened then. I crumpled up the sticky note in my fist and stuffed it in my pocket for reasons I couldn't explain. When I closed the door to my old room, I felt like I was sealing a tomb back up. My teenaged self was long gone and dead, and regretting her decisions wasn't going to help anyone.

Tara was sitting on the couch beside Nora when I came into the living room, and I froze at the image of my older sister helping my daughter help the correct channel. Nora had tucked her legs underneath her and still looked ready to launch herself off the couch the moment she needed to, but Tara was sitting a safe distance away from Nora, giving her enough room to run if she wanted to.

Nora saw me and pointed at the TV. "Aunt Tara is helping me find it."

I blinked and put a smile on my face. "That's nice of her." Tara looked up at my choked sounding words and we made long eye contact before she offered me a sad looking smile and patted the spot beside her on her couch. I didn't hesitate much before sitting down next to her, just in time for the Disney channel to be found.


End file.
